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Trump's (rodentia aurantius) Nuts

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My working theory of the case. Trump is currently a nutless squirrel.

As President, Trump developed a habit of squirreling away information he believed would be personally useful to him. Most of this was likely negative information about people Trump believed could damage him. He did not care about classification or ownership, he collected leverage. For the two weeks he accepted reality, January 10-21, 2021, Trump scrambled to gather all his nut caches of intel. Then he took his nuts and moved them to his house. 

Over the last 21 months, Trump has been very careful about revealing his hidden bounty. He uses these pellets of information judiciously. I believe some of the GOP leadership moves could be explained by Trump showing glimpses of his nuts to keep control. 

When NARA and the DOJ came asking last year they cut away the rotten nuts and gave up everything they believed was useless (the first 15 boxes.) In January, when the Feds came back,  the annoyed Trump team had to give them something to get them to stop looking for his nuts. So Trump and his team delayed as long as they could while they looked strategized to keep Trump's nuts hidden. They likely tried to get Trump to agree to return his nuts, but Trump refused. In his fear during sorting, Trump would have held onto his nuts, like any good rodent.

The June meeting, when Christina Bobb handed back the small envelope of classified material, was the bid for Trump to get them to back off. But Trump knew that would not be the end of it. He expected the Feds to come and take what was in the storage room. So, again, he would have sectioned off the shiniest objects and put them very close. Trump stored his precious nuts in his office desk.

He never expected the DOJ to search and seize from his desk. Now he is at a loss. He can't find his nuts. 

But here is where it gets weird. With his memory challenges, his focus on other legal matters, and the fact that he has sliced his pile so many times, Trump no longer remembers which nuts are his.

This would explain:

His insistence that he declassified "everything"...he can't pick his nuts out of a line up. 

The deflection...lots of people have nuts, let's look at Obama's nuts.

The special master...so his lawyers could see images of his nuts.

His claim of attorney client privilege...Trump only shows his nuts to people he pays for the privilege.

His claim of executive privilege...no one can look at or speak about Trump's nuts.

His desire for return...."Please give me back my nuts"

Donald Trump is a nutless squirrel and if you thought about anything other than wal- or pea- you have a sick mind (too).


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